


Getting to know you again.

by NohaIjiachi



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Community: daredevilkink, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-08
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 13:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4102231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NohaIjiachi/pseuds/NohaIjiachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ve been thinking like crazy, and you know what?” Foggy said. “I can’t make any damn sense of this. I can’t just put together these two Matts, it doesn’t make sense. They don’t fit.”</p><p>Matt nodded tightly.</p><p>“So, please, explain.”</p><p>“What—?” Matt replied, clearly blinking behind the red lenses.</p><p>“I can’t understand. Explain to me.” Foggy replied. “Explain this side of you. Get me to know you all over again, if necessary.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting to know you again.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't what's happening to me. I don't care. Have another shitton of words, whatever.
> 
>  
> 
> [Inspired by a kinkmeme prompt, as usual](https://daredevilkink.dreamwidth.org/1296.html?thread=2845712#cmt2845712)

Foggy thought of math.

He was never particularly good at it, back in high school, but he managed, just enough to keep his grades on a acceptable level.

Math was tricky for him, at times. He’d spend plenty of time working on a particular exercise, trying to get the right result, and fail. It was very frustrating, because he knew he was doing the right thing, and still, it won’t work.  
So he’d look at it from different angles, again and again, until something finally _clicked_ and he’d see the one, small thing that he was getting wrong all along. It was like putting the last gear into a mechanism. It’d snap into place, and everything would start working.

This felt the same way.

He had knew— logically. On an intellectual level. He had knew— Berated Matt for it more than he would’ve liked to.

It was dangerous, it was dumb, it was something that Matt should stop doing unless he wanted to die before reaching his 30th birthday.

But somehow this— _thing_ , into Foggy’s mind, had always been about Matt.  
Matt getting hurt, Matt not sleeping enough, Matt risking dying.

But now, it clicked. Just like math.

It didn’t take much, really. Just enough, just hearing the crunching sound of bones shattering under a deadly fast punch.  
Bones snapping always sounded like tree branches, in movies.

They really didn’t.

It sounded way more ominous, in reality. More like stepping on a hundreds small glass shards. Not to mention, it was often -always- accompanied by choked and very, very _real_ cries of pain.

It didn’t take much. Just a single punch, a man crumbling into a shapeless lump at Daredevil’s feet, clutching at his half-broken face with whimpering sobs of pain, and something _clicked_.

**

He had been the last one. It was well past midnight, Karen had left hours earlier ( _”I’m not spending Saturday night locked-up here with you two nerds. There’s this thing called social life, in case you aren’t aware.”_  
_“We have plenty of social life—“_  
_“Josie doesn’t count, Foggy.”_  
_“Oh. Ok, we are nerds. Go have fun, Karen.”)_.  
Matt had left around forty minutes earlier. He had looked at Foggy, apologetically, and opened his mouth—

“You going somewhere?” Foggy cut him off, without even looking up from his laptop.

“Those guys I told you about—“ Matt replied, shuffling in his chair anxiously. For all his stalking and creeping around like a ninja, Matt was very obvious in his body language.

“Still not done?” Foggy asked, voice sounding almost bored.

“Mh. I guess you can say that.” Matt hummed. “I just— I’m pretty sure they were dismantling but— I want to be sure, you know?”

Foggy sighed, carefully sliding his laptop on a side to look at Matt. He tried to glare at him, really, but Matt was comically fidgety, almost like a child. It was clear that he’d been thinking about going out for a while and had tried to contain himself.

“I’m about to say ‘fine’ in about five seconds, because I am apparently incapable of saying ‘no’ to you in any way, shape or form. I should probably look more deeply into that, if I wasn’t broke enough to be barely able to afford a meal, let alone pay a psychologist to tell me what I know already: that we have an unhealthy co-dependent relationship and that I am physically incapable of saying ‘no’ to you.” Foggy snapped, getting a small bit of satisfaction in watching his best friend flinch and shrink in his shoulder in a appropriate sign of shame. “So, fine. Go. Be careful. Don’t get stabbed. And call me when you are done. Are we clear?”

“Yes, dad.” Matt smiled at him, softly, crow’s feet appearing around his eyes.

It was hard to connect the unfairly pretty, doe-eyed man sitting in front of him with the infamous Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, but well: Foggy guessed a mask and a gravelly voice did plenty in that compartment.

So Matt had left, and Foggy had stayed, finishing some mind-blowingly boring paperwork that they accumulated through the week. Stretched his stiff back and neck when he was done, didn’t bother to put all the papers away before leaving (he should make Matt take care of some of these super-boring chores, but the bastard always got a blind free-pass. Tsk.).  
When he left, the streets were already empty for the most part. Calm. He hated to admit it, but since Matt started dressing up in ridiculous garbs, going around punching drug dealers in the face, things started being a little safer in Hell’s Kitchen.

He wasn’t gonna say that out loud to Matt, ever, though. He surely wasn’t gonna be the one to give him more excuse to wear horns and backflip from buildings.

Just as he was nursing these thoughts, something jumped out a dark alley on his left side, running right into him with enough violence to nearly make him fall on his back.

“Ehy!”

“Sorry, I—“ The girl looked frightened. No, scratch that, she was _terrified_. Short, curly hair a mess, clear tear tracks on her cheeks, panting heavily. She couldn’t be older than fourteen.

“Ehy.” Foggy repeated, gently. “Are you ok, do you need help?”

“No!” She answered hastily, looking behind her nervously, tense as if she was ready to bolt at any second. “…Yes.” She admitted, softly. “They are trying to get me— to teach my dad a lesson. He couldn’t pay them, and— and—“ She started sobbing, heavily. “I can’t go to the police, my dad will be in trouble! But I don’t know what to do!”

“Damn.” Foggy whispered. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, chewing on his lip. An image popped in his head, of a certain someone dressed like a total moron. Foggy cursed internally, he didn’t want to, but— Matt could help this girl and her family without putting them in trouble. “Ok, listen, I know someone that can help—“

“You— You’re not a cop, right?” She asked, trembling voice full of nervousness. “Oh, oh— I should’ve kept my mouth shut—“

“I’m not, I promise!” Foggy said hastily, seeing how she started shaking in her too-big white sweater and worn jeans. “I’m just a broke-ass lawyer. But I know someone that can help, alright? We can go to my office, you’ll be safe there, and I’ll call my friend—“

She launched him a suspicious look, and for how Foggy didn’t like being the target of that look, he found himself thinking ‘Smart girl.’

“Or not.” He added. “Look, we can go somewhere public, a restaurant or something, I’ll stay with you and call my friend. He’ll help. I promise.”

“You— You are serious?” She asked with a tiny voice, deep dark eyes staring at him.

“I promise.” He repeated, soft and firm, a serious frown on his face. “You’ll be ok. I promise. But we have to move.”

She nodded, her lower lip quivering, and they ran together towards the nearest diner Foggy could think of.

They didn’t made over the next block before being cornered.

**

“Wow, you guys are truly a shining example of courage!” Foggy snapped, ironic, as soon as goon number three tore away the tape they slapped on his mouth. “How much there’s of you? twenty-five? For a teenager?”

He looked at her. They had tied up both of them, dragged them into a warehouse (it was always a warehouse. Foggy could almost physically feel the clichés running wild.), knocked her unconscious before taking the tape away.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” Goon number eight whined. “This idiot cannot shut his goddamn mouth for a second! If I hear his voice spit out non-sense a minute longer, I’ll go insane!”

Foggy had gave him good reason to say that. He had been yelling as loud and as much as he could before they muted him, mostly things that only he and Matt could understand, hoping with all his might that Matt would be somewhere near enough, concentrated on listening, and understand—

“I want to know why the fuck he’s been meddling in our affairs.” Goon number three replied in a voice that probably was meant to sound menacing. “Why were you meddling in our affairs, buddy?”

“Your _affair_ —“ Foggy started, putting as much venom in his voice as he could. “— Ran right into me, in tears. What the fuck was I supposed to do, whistle and walk away?!”

Goon number three tilted an eyebrow. “That’s all? You are not undercover mission for—“

Foggy scoffed. “Undercover mission.” He parroted in a mocking voice. “Are you listening to yourself? I’m just a guy. And you’re a bunch of assholes.”

Goon number three turned toward goon number twelve with a shrug.

“A stupid good-doer, then.” Goon number twelve sighed. “The place ’s getting full of ‘em because of that idiot in a mask. Tape him again, Jeremy. We’ll dump his body into the Hudson when we done.”

Foggy’s heart skipped a bit. Ok, _that_ was menacing.

**

They didn’t get far with their promises. He watched them making phone call after phone call into a language he couldn’t recognize for the next twenty minutes.

Then a window shattered, they all turned toward the sound, and Matt jumped out the shadow and punched goon number three straight in the face with a speed that couldn’t be human.

Which: gear into place, _click_.

Goon number three crumpled at Daredevil’s feet, whimpering, and Daredevil didn’t waste any time, kicking him unconscious with the loud sound of a broken nose.

The smell of the blood pooling out goon three’s nose was disgusting, but Foggy forced himself to scuttle near him and fumble in his jacket with hands tied behind his back, searching for a knife he saw glinting in a pocket.

The position gave him a good visual of the entire warehouse. Loud shouts reverberated through the big and mostly empty space, men looking around wildly with fear in their eyes, as Daredevil played with them, jumping in and out the shadow created by the sup-bar illumination.

They were falling, one after the other, their fighting useless, yelling like dying animals. He watched Daredevil slip out the shadow with a dead silent step, grab one of the men’s arm in a fluid motion, and snap the bone into two without any apparent effort, white glinting between the dark red blood when the pointy bit inevitably stuck out the skin.  
He watched Daredevil move swiftly and self-assuredly, not a single step out the path, not a single sound coming out his mouth, not a single grimace on his jaw as he broke limbs and incapacitated men that were trying to get away from him with terrified, angry but ultimately useless threatening.  
He watched, fumbling around the handle of the knife he’d been searching with sweaty fingers, as Daredevil fought, efficient but vicious, blood flying everywhere with loud squishy sounds.

Foggy managed to cut himself free from the ropes around his wrist and scuttle back near the still unconscious girl just as the last standing man fell down in an unconscious heap.  
His wrists hurt. His heart was racing, madly, as his mind was filled with a white noise. He stood on shaky legs, opening his mouth a couple of times without any sound getting out of it as Daredevil approached him fast.

Daredevil grabbed his wrist in an iron grip, painfully twisting Foggy’s arm behind his back, the other arm circling his neck in a chokehold.

The knife he didn’t realize was still holding fell on the ground with a loud clinking noise.

The hard edges of Daredevil’s armor on his forearm were digging painfully into his neck as he struggled for breath. Foggy panted in a couple of false starts before managing to choke out “It’s me…!”

Instantly, Daredevil released him and jumped back as if he got burned.

Foggy coughed, massaging his throat and scrunching his nose as the acrid smell of sweat and blood stuck on Daredevil was still stinging in his nostrils.

“Dude—“ He croaked. “What the _hell_ —“

Before he could do anything more other than gaping at him like a fish, Daredevil turned his head, slightly tilting it.

“Police is coming.” He said, voice low.

Then he disappeared into the shadow.

**

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Foggy watched over the girl as the paramedics took care of her, then had to give a statement. He moved out of habit, his mind in a haze that made him feel as if he was walking not on the same plane of existence as anyone else.

Finally free to go around five in the morning, he walked towards home, noticing with the corner of his eye the dark, man-shaped shadow following him from roof to roof.

**

The point is, he always thought about Matt.

Matt getting hurt, Matt not sleeping enough, Matt risking dying.

He never really thought about the other side of the coin, not really. He had challenged Matt months ago, asked him if maybe he just wanted an excuse to hit someone, if he couldn’t stop.

But, maybe, _hitting someone_ did not quite cover it, did it?

**

When he got home he caught a glimpse of his neck in the tiny mirror right on his left. It was already bruising, ugly.

He launched the keys in the plate near the door and went to the windows in the living room, opening one.

“I know you are out there.” He said, voice scratchy.

Matt silently fell down, climbing into his window still in his Daredevil suit.

“Are you ok?” He immediately asked, urgency in his voice. “You are not hurt—“

“You mean, aside from this giant-ass bruise that hurts like a bitch that _you_ gave me?” Foggy snapped back. “I’m peachy.”

Matt’s mouth snapped shut, and Foggy watched his adam apple bob up and down nervously.  
He detached some kind of clasp under his chin, and unglued the helmet from his face.

Matt’s hair was absolutely drenched in sweat, sticking out everywhere and on his forehead. His eyes looked even more bruised on his pale face.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I didn’t realize—“

“Deduced that on my own, thanks.” Foggy muttered. “What has _gotten_ into you?!”

Matt gulped again. “You were holding the knife.” He said, slowly. “I didn’t— I didn’t had the time to check who it was, you had a knife and you were near the unconscious girl—“

“So, what, you zero-in whoever it’s still standing without even bothering to check first?!”

“It’s not that—“ Matt took a step toward him. “You had a _knife_ —“

Everything happened both real fast and real slow. Matt reached out to him, maybe to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder or to check his neck, smelling of sweat and _blood_ and Foggy’s heart jumped in his throat, he took a step back, slapping Matt’s hand away.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ”

Matt’s face _crumpled_.

They stood three long seconds there, the hand still hovering, before Matt let it fall back at his side with a slow, careful movement.

“You _smell_ —“ Foggy babbled, instantly regretting his instinctual reaction and trying to mend it, fast.

They both knew he was lying.

“I’m sorry.” Matt whispered, in a clear effort to keep his voice under control. “I— Go to sleep. Take the day off tomorrow, if you want— I’ll be in the office if— when you want to talk.”

Foggy watched has Matt took the helmet he had put on the couch and put it back on, climbing out the window into the first lights of the morning.

**

He didn’t took the day off. At seven thirty he gave up and concluded he just won’t be able to sleep, and got out of bed.

He took his time. Took a long shower, fixed himself a generous breakfast he ended up putting in the fridge for later, not really hungry. He mindlessly surfed the internet on his phone for a while, stopped on his way to the office in a coffee shop and taking his sweet time drinking the biggest and most caffeinated beverage they had.

When he finally entered the office at ten forty-two, Karen sighed loudly without looking up from the paper she was reading.

“Thank God you are here, Matt’s been _insufferable_ , I never seen him quite this broody— _Holy shit!_ ”

Karen jumped from behind her desk and covered the distance between them in three steps.

“What happened to you?!” She asked, breathless, that crease Foggy has learned to connect to ‘Karen Page worrying her ass off’ appearing between her eyebrows. Her fingers hovered around his neck.

“Had a little adventure tonight.” Foggy tried to joke, his own voice falling flat. He knew how he must look, pale and sleepless. The giant bruise on his neck that had decided to shift and start to look like a Pollock and a Van Gogh had a baby during the morning had attracted more than a puzzled look on his way there.

Karen followed him in his office, fidgety, and he explained as shortly as he possibly could what had happened as he prepared his stuff for work.

“Daredevil saved you?” She asked, surprised. “Wow. The guy is _everywhere_. How does he do that?!”

“Saved.” Foggy said, with a mirthless chuckle. At Karen’s puzzled expression, he pointed at his neck and watched as colors drained from her face.

“He did this to you?” She whispered, fingers gentle on his neck.

Foggy launched a tiny look towards Matt’s office. He wasn’t looking in their direction, but Foggy was ready to bet his ass the jerk had been listening the instant he stepped into the office.

“It was an accident.” He admitted with a sigh. “I had a knife- used it to break free from the ropes around my wrists. I was still holding it when he attacked me. Let me go when I explained.”

She hissed in sympathy. “Well, at least he didn’t punch you, or something. I’ve seen what happens to the faces of those punched by him.” She said, patting his shoulder.

“Yeah, so did I.” Foggy muttered darkly.

Matt flinched in his office.

**

They managed to ignore each other for the rest of the day.

Karen must’ve assumed Matt’s broodiness was connected to what happened to Foggy the night prior (which, wasn’t wrong. But still.) and left them alone. She tried to coddle Foggy a couple of times, asking if he didn’t rather go home and rest, but let him be when he firmly refused.

Foggy had been ignoring Matt, but still watched him. He seen how nervous and fidgety he was, getting up at least five times like he wanted to march right into Foggy’s office, but stopped as Foggy was basically radiating as hard as he could that, nope, still don’t want to talk to you.

When Karen decided on her own that today was a closing early day, they didn’t protest, letting her drag them out the office while the sun was slowly going down, tinting the sky in red.

“Do you guys want to go somewhere?” She asked, an hand on Foggy’s shoulder. “I’d say pizza. It’s on me, tonight.”

Foggy scrubbed at his bruised eyes and sighed.

“Thank you, Karen, but I think I’m going home. I’m falling asleep on my feet.”

She flashed him a smile that looked a little bit too much like his mother’s. “Ok.” She said, gentle. “I’ll keep the pizza offer for another night, then. Matt?”

Matt, that hadn’t said a single word all day, standing like a shadow a couple of steps away from them looking grim and frowning from behind his glasses, turned his head slightly toward Foggy.

“Can I walk you home?” He said, softly.

Karen smiled a little sad smile at him, like she thought he was the sweetest thing, worrying like that for Foggy.

He asked him in front of Karen on purpose so Foggy couldn’t say no. _That fucking dick_.

“Sure.” He replied, trying his best to don’t growl between his teeth. “See you tomorrow, Karen.”

“Good night, boys.” She replied, patting both of them before heading in the opposite direction.

Matt took his elbow, gently, as usual, and Foggy has to fight really hard the instinct to shake him off, his arm stiff.

“You are an _asshole_.” He whispered, furious, and Matt had the decency to look ashamed.

“I just want to make sure you get home ok.” He replied, slowly, looking down, toward the concrete.

“Fine. Now shut up, I don’t want to hear your voice, we get home and you get out my fucking sight.”

Matt’s fingers twitched on his elbow and he shut his lips into a grim line. Foggy immediately felt bad for snapping like that at him, but he couldn’t help it. There was rage bubbling in the pit of his stomach, and he couldn’t stand how manipulative Matt had just acted. He should’ve just respected Foggy’s need for space, but no, Matt Murdock always knows better, doesn’t he?

He mulled over these thoughts, only managing to get himself angrier and angrier, along the way. When they finally reached Foggy’s building, he was fuming. And Matt must’ve felt it, because he let him go hastily, his fingers closing around the handle of his cane with a nervous twitch. He looked very small.

Foggy was about to enter in the building without saying a single word, because he knew he might just chop Matt’s head off if he opened his mouth, so of course Matt had to throw his two cents against the angry beast.

“Foggy, I’m s-sorry I hurt you. I really am.” He said, voice unsteady. “Are you— Are you really so angry about it?”

“It’s not the neck, Matt!” Foggy nearly yelled, getting right back on his steps and stopping in front of Matt, aggressive. Matt shrank a bit more. “It’s _you_!”

Matt looked up, just slightly, looking lost.

“I’m trying to fit the image of my smart, sweet best friend with the image of the guy that beats people into a pulp!” Foggy said, voice low and tense. “And it’s like trying to push the circle shape into the triangle hole! Frustrating, maddening and impossible!”

Matt was gaping at him. He closed his mouth, lower lip quivering.

“Foggy—“

“Who the hell are _you_ , Matt?!”

**

_”Who the hell are you, Matt?”_

_Matt looked up from his book, losing the crease of concentration between his eyebrows along the way. He smiled at him, not a little bit confused. “What?”_

_“You!” Foggy said with a laugh, wildly pointing at him with both his arms. “You, getting the best grades and the best chicks and the best guys too! You, crazy heroic Matt Murdock saving a guy when you were nine and still saving guys when blind! I’m pointing at your entirety, by the way.”_

_Matt laughed heartily, shaking his head. “I did nothing—“_

_“Damn, no! You totally saved that dude from getting run over!”_

_“I just held his arm because he was about to cross the road while distracted, Foggy—“_

_“Yeah, duh? If you wouldn’t have done that, he would’ve got hit right on! How did you even see that coming?! No one noticed the car!”_

_“Well, more like I heard that coming.” Matt replied with a lopsided smile and a shrug. “It was very loud—“_

_“It really wasn’t.” Foggy replied, shaking his head. “Point is, everyone on campus is gonna talk about this for the rest of the week! More chicks coming in your way, dude. I didn’t think there was any other way you could look more awesome, but here we are.”_

_Matt blushed slightly and cleared it’s throat. “Look, I just did— a thing. I acted out of instinct, it’s not a big deal—“_

_“That only makes it more awesome in my book. It’s like, you were born to save people. There’s no way you are not an alien. You sure you didn’t land on earth in a space ship launched by alien parents? No?”_

_Matt was laughing again, loudly, and Foggy asked again with a giant smile in his voice ”Who the hell are you, Matt?”_

**

When he entered in Matt’s office, Matt hurriedly put on his glasses, but not before Foggy could catch a glimpse of his red-rimmed, wet eyes.

He must’ve been very distracted to don’t hear him coming. He surely looked like someone who didn’t had any sleep.

He looked up towards Foggy, putting on a polite mask.

“I told Karen to go get herself a long lunch.” Foggy said, forcing a neutral tone in his voice. “We need to talk.”

Matt nervously gulped, but he gestured to the empty chair with a smooth motion. Foggy took the chair, dragged it at Matt’s side, and sat in front of him. Their knees were nearly touching when Matt turned to mirror his position.

“I’ve been thinking like crazy, and you know what?” Foggy said. “I can’t make any damn sense of this. I can’t just put together these two Matts, it doesn’t make sense. They don’t fit.”

Matt nodded tightly.

“So, please, explain.”

“What—?” Matt replied, clearly blinking behind the red lenses.

“I can’t understand. Explain to me.” Foggy replied. “Explain this side of you. Get me to know you all over again, if necessary.”

“Foggy.” Matt’s voice trembled. “You— Really don’t want to know this side of me.”

“Well, tough shit, Murdock, because I didn’t had much choice the other night.” Foggy snapped. “You are my best friend, I fucking turned my whole life upside down for you multiple times. They were my choices and I stand by them, but I at least expect from the most important person in my life to respect me enough to entertain one simple request.”

Matt closed his mouth, silent for long seconds. Slowly, he took his glasses off, staring straight at Foggy with tired and deeply perturbed unseeing eyes.

He put the glasses on the desk with a deliberate slow motion.

“Alright.” He murmured. Then sighed, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Foggy shrugged. “From the beginning, I guess.”

Matt took another pause, then started talking with a very visible effort to don’t turn his face away from Foggy’s. “I… You know my mom left us when I was a baby. I never met her. And when I was old enough I— started asking why she wasn’t there. Dad was always very shifty about it. He always told me that he’d tell when I would be older, and that was it. A secret he brought with him into the grave.”

He shook his head, took a deep calming breath. Foggy stared at him, deciding to let him talk and don’t interrupt until he was done.

“I didn’t insist but— I was mad. Everyone else had a mother, why not me? Why did she leave? I used to ask myself those questions a lot. It made me angry. I wasn’t a easy child to deal with, for a while. Dad was very patient with me. I got out of it eventually but— Well. I started to grow a temper, I guess.”

“And Dad… He was who he was. He grow up in violence, and for how much he tried, and he really did, to keep me away from all that, he never quite succeeded. I’ve been intimate with blood ever since I was barely capable of walking. I’ve seen it and smelled it, it was a familiar, even comforting, scent at times. Even before the incident. I’ve seen men fight. The way their eyes shift, making them look more like an animal rather than a human being. How easy it is to hurt.”

“And then dad died like that— I was so angry. With the world. Mostly with myself. I felt responsible. And then Stick came along. He—“ Matt smiled a cold, self deprecating smile. “He wasn’t nice. Did a good number on me, I think.”

Foggy blinked, and decided that he and Matt must have a good talk about this Stick guy, another time. Because there was definitely something fishy behind the whole thing.

But another time.

“Then for years I tried to act normal, but— Something was in me, really. It still is. My grandma used to say that the Murdock men had the devil in ‘em. I don’t think she was wrong. It’s probably a moot point to discuss, now.”

“And then the little girl— You know, the one I told you about. And— A-and, I think, whatever it was that was holding the dams, just broke that time. Never came back. I’ve been— Incapable of holding myself since then. I-it’s as if— As if there’s something clawing at my chest all the time, begging to be let out and it’s just— I’m not proud, I’m not, but it’s so _satisfying_ to let it out.”

Matt’s eyes moistened, his voice weak.

“I’m not— trying to to excuse my actions. I know— I know that what I’m doing is wrong. And scary. I know how it must look from outside, seeing me like that, dripping blood and standing over someone, I— I’ve seen my dad like that, once or twice, you know?”

“I’m not trying to appeal my case, make it look as if all these terrible experiences in my life made me what I am now. I know I’ve always had a dark side in me. I’ve just decided to don’t give a damn anymore, not trying to hold it anymore a-and. I. I’ll understand if that’s too much to take in. I—“

“I’ll understand, really. A-and, I don’t think I will— I will be able to stop— It’s not— I’m not strong enough to keep it down anymore. I don’t _want_ to. I’m just so tired, and angry, all the time, and I don’t know which one will be worst, if to stop and t-try to push it down, or keep going.”

“But I know which one is the one that gives me some peace of mind every now and then. And it’s not putting a leash on the devil in me and kick it in the darkest corner I possibly could.”

Matt let out a trembling sigh, finally letting myself look down, away from Foggy. As the silence stretched, Foggy spoke with a normal, neutral voice. “Can I ask two questions?”

Blinking, Matt looked up again. “Huh— Ok?”

“The other night— Did you hear me? Screaming? When they were taking me and that girl?”

“Yes.” Matt whispered.

“Did you know what I was going to do before that?”

“No.”

“Put her in a safe place. Call you to take care of the jerks that were threatening her and her family. Like— Like a mafia boss hiring his best killer to unleash on some poor bastard. I hate what you do, Matt, but I ultimately see _why_ you do it. And, at the end of the day, I’m not any better than you.”

“That’s not true.” Matt muttered. “You were just trying to help.”

“So are you. In your… Seriously twisted and bloody way. I can understand that, too, a little bit.” Foggy smiled humorlessly at Matt’s blinking. “What, do you think I shit sun rays? I’m a human, Matt. I surely have thought plenty of times how much I’d like to punch people like those guys back then in the face. The only difference between us, is that you act on these thoughts. And, the ninja training, but that’s another topic.”

Matt smiled for a fraction of a second, which Foggy counted as victory.

“That’s a pretty big difference, Foggy.”

“Still, point made.” Foggy cut him off. “Next question.”

“Ok.”

“Are you _really_ angry all the time? _all_ the time?”

Before Matt could answer, Foggy put his hand on Matt’s cheek, gently. Matt stiffened violently, his eyes going wide, then he let out a shuddering sigh, taking Foggy’s hand between his and pushing his face against Foggy’s palm, eyes fluttering close.

“All the time, Matt?” Foggy asked again.

“Not all the time.” Matt whispered, voice rough, rubbing his cheek on Foggy’s hand like a cat. “You make me happy. Being with you, sharing this firm with you, makes me happy. Karen makes me happy. Having you two at my side— It’s more than I deserve.”

“That’s were we will have to start working.” Foggy said, matter-of-factly. “You deserve nice things, alright, Matt? I will stop you from punishing yourself, at some point, even if it’ll take me a lifetime.”

Matt opened his eyes, slowly, looking at him more for Foggy’s sake than his own. “Foggy—“

“No, listen. We are a team. Ok? You and me. I want you to understand that I’m _here_ , for you.” Foggy said, voice firm and serious. “And— I’m sure there will be more bumps along the road. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m into this, now. And I’ll be damned if I won’t find a way to make this whole thing better, with you. To help you find a balance.”

Matt was staring at him slightly gaping, still pressing his face against Foggy’s hand, his eyes dangerously moistening again.

“You are not getting rid of me, Murdock. I just… We just have to find a new dynamic that works. Moving forward, like you said. I want in on this, I want to be part of it and make sure that you are ok. Take care of you.”

Matt gulped, slowly letting Foggy’s hand go, still staring at him.

“Does this proposition sounds advantageous to you, counselor?” Foggy asked, softly, only half joking.

“I think we can make a deal.” Matt replied, voice chocked, letting a single tear fall down his eyelashes, before softly putting his forehead against Foggy’s shoulder with a trembling sigh. Foggy properly hugged him, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

It was gonna be hard, and it was gonna suck at times, and he’d probably get mad at Matt over and over again, and so would he.

But they were a team. They were gonna do this. Together.


End file.
